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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674654">run, love run</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/extasiswings/pseuds/extasiswings'>extasiswings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>playground love [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(sort of), Canon Compliant, Character Study, Domesticity, Love Confessions, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:01:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/extasiswings/pseuds/extasiswings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Buck knows that Eddie comes with baggage, some of which is obvious, and some which isn’t.  He knows Eddie is also a bit of a mess.  </p>
<p>He loves him anyway.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>playground love [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1696435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>432</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>run, love run</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I really don't understand how these two fools are managing to pine when they're literally in a relationship but OKAY.  See also, my reaction to Buck getting home at 8AM in 3x14 100% being to put my clown makeup on and assume he was at Eddie's.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The thing is, Buck is good with slow.  He spent months with Abby just talking on the phone, building a friendship—a quiet emotional intimacy that he hadn’t even realized he was missing.  With her, he realized how to be an adult, how to really share his life with someone.  He learned how to be patient and selfless and work at things instead of running when they got difficult. </p>
<p>And he’s grateful for that, because if he hadn’t had those experiences, if he hadn’t grown through being with her, he wouldn’t be with Eddie now.  Or maybe he would, but he might not handle it as well.  Because he knows that Eddie comes with baggage, some of which is obvious, and some which isn’t.  He knows Eddie is also a bit of a mess.  </p>
<p>Buck loves him anyway.</p>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<p>Loves him.  Which is...wild and terrifying and overwhelming because with Eddie and with Christopher, that’s a life.  That’s a family.  And Buck can’t breathe sometimes when he’s with them because he loves it so much, wants to keep it, wants to stay.</p>
<p>But.</p>
<p>Abby left.  In the end, it didn’t matter how patient he was, how supportive, how much he cared.  She left.  And Buck knows, logically, that it wasn’t his fault, that he didn’t do anything wrong, that sometimes things just happen.  But knowing that doesn’t stop him from worrying, doesn’t stop him from wondering if even now he’s moving too fast, asking for too much.</p>
<p>So...he doesn’t say it.</p>
<p>He’s good with slow.  He’s good with dinners and quality time and house keys, with videogames on the couch with Christopher, Disney movies and bedtime stories.  He’s <em>very</em> good with the physical, with desire and tension and sex.  He can take whatever Eddie is ready to give and doesn’t need to rush anything.  He’s good with slow.</p>
<p>Although, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting to realize that he and Eddie are still on different pages.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I get taking things slow.  But tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.  So if you love her, tell her.”</em>
</p>
<p>Buck knows he wasn’t meant to hear it.  It was a private conversation between Howie and Eddie and it wasn’t even <em>about</em> them—it was about Maddie.  And Buck is all for his sister being as happy as possible, so he doesn’t disagree with the sentiment either.</p>
<p>But if that’s how Eddie feels about it—that it’s important to say it if you feel it—that makes it pretty clear that he doesn’t.  Feel it.  </p>
<p>Right?</p>
<p>“Hey, you okay?”  Eddie asks at the end of their shift, hip-checking Buck gently as he walks past in the locker room.</p>
<p>Buck takes a breath and tries to drag himself up out of the fog of insecurity clouding his head.</p>
<p>“Yeah,”  he says, forcing a smile.  “Just...weird calls today is all.”</p>
<p>“We’ve had weirder.”</p>
<p>“That’s true.”</p>
<p>Eddie glances over his shoulder as he grabs a jacket from his locker.  “Want to stay over tonight?”</p>
<p>That helps pull a more natural smile from him.  </p>
<p>“Depends,”  Buck teases.  “Are you cooking?  Because in that case...hmmm, I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Eddie laughs, shaking his head.  “Nothing but shade from all sides, huh?  Betrayed by my kid, now you.  I see how it is.  Just for that, you can cook.”</p>
<p>“He says, as if I wouldn’t have ended up doing it anyway.”</p>
<p>The locker clicks shut and Eddie mutters something under his breath that Buck doesn’t catch, still grinning when he pulls Buck in to kiss him.  </p>
<p>“I gotta go pick up Christopher,”  he says.  “We’ll see you at home?”</p>
<p>That makes Buck’s stomach flip, warmth spreading through him at the ease of it tripping off Eddie’s tongue—<em>we’ll see you at home</em>—like it really is <em>theirs</em>, all of theirs.  And yes, he had something similar with Abby too, was practically living in her house right before she left, and that didn’t change anything, but...it lessens the weight that’s been hanging around his shoulders all day.  </p>
<p>“Yeah,”  Buck agrees, stealing another kiss before stepping back to strip off his uniform.  “See you at home.”</p>
<p>Slow.</p>
<p>He gets there before Eddie returns, and sets to work.  When the front door opens a few minutes later, Buck catches Eddie’s laugh and a moment of Christopher’s excited chattering before it cuts off abruptly.</p>
<p>“Buck!”  </p>
<p>“Hey, buddy,”  Buck greets, dropping to one knee to hug Christopher tight.  “Did you have a good day?”</p>
<p>“Yeah!”</p>
<p>Buck glances up at Eddie when Christopher starts rattling off the details—he’s leaning in the doorway, watching them, arms crossed over his chest.  But the look on his face—</p>
<p>Hell, Buck almost doesn’t care if Eddie loves him as long as he keeps looking at him like that.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Buck wakes up slowly, the sounds of movement in the room pulling him out of sleep.  He stretches out, still with his eyes closed—the other side of the bed is empty.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to get up,”  Eddie says, and the next moment Buck feels the mattress dip, lips feathering across his forehead briefly before vanishing again.  “I have to take Chris to school and then run some errands, but you should stay if you want.”</p>
<p>Buck hums in acknowledgment and relaxes again, in no rush to clear out when he has nowhere else to be.  He doesn’t remember hearing the door close, but when he wakes up again, the house is quiet.  </p>
<p>He lays in bed for a few minutes longer before finally rolling out of bed.  </p>
<p><em>Went home for some clothes</em>, he texts Eddie later as he parks in front of his own place.  </p>
<p>
  <em>Could have just worn mine...or none ;)</em>
</p>
<p>Buck grins as he unlocks the door, about to respond when his phone rings.</p>
<p>“Chim?”</p>
<p>“Hey, Buck.  Have you heard from Maddie this morning?”  </p>
<p>It’s easier to give a flippant, lighthearted response than to acknowledge the ice that steals into his chest.  When it’s only been a year—no, less—since Maddie’s kidnapping, since she had to kill a man, since Buck almost lost her—</p>
<p>Yeah, it’s going to take a lot longer for him to hear anything even a little worrying about his sister without panicking. </p>
<p>He doesn’t have a plan when he races out the door again—he isn’t thinking of anything but getting to the dispatch building and making sure Maddie’s okay.  When Athena catches him...he’s almost grateful.</p>
<p>It gives him a chance to think.  </p>
<p>“You okay?”  Athena asks later, leaning against the side of the police car next to him.  Across the way, the police captain and SWAT coordinator have their heads bent together.  Other officers are milling around checking watches, radios, anything to keep busy.</p>
<p>Buck sighs heavily and tips his head up to the sky, closing his eyes.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry about me,”  he says.  “I’m not going to do anything stupid.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m not worried about that.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>“You gonna tell me you didn’t just spend the last half hour or so realizing you have a hell of a lot to live for and can’t afford to go running around Lone Ranger style?”  Athena shoots back.</p>
<p>Buck presses his lips together and Athena nods once as she crosses her arms.</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought.”</p>
<p>“You know, a year ago I didn’t care what happened to me,”  Buck says.  “I would’ve done anything to get her back.  And now I’m just...sitting here.  Waiting.  Does that make me a bad brother?”</p>
<p>“A year ago, you didn’t have a little boy and a man who loves you waiting at home,” Athena replies.  “And frankly, there’s nothing you could do right now that wouldn’t just make everything worse.  Sometimes sitting and waiting is the best thing you can do for everyone, especially your family.  It doesn’t make you a bad brother, it makes you a smart one.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t love me.  Eddie.”</p>
<p>Athena turns and stares at him for a long moment, then she snorts and shakes her head.</p>
<p>“I take back what I said about you being smart—boy, you so damn stupid.” </p>
<p>It startles him into a laugh.  “Hey now—what?”</p>
<p>Someone calls her name and she pushes off the car, fixing Buck with an unimpressed look as she does.</p>
<p>“I have to go back to work now, so we don’t have time to talk through the nonsense that just came out of your mouth, but Evan Buckley, I swear—if you can’t see that man loves you, then you need to get your eyes checked because everyone else sure can.”</p>
<p>Buck blinks and opens his mouth to respond, but Athena is gone before he manages to find a single word.  Left alone again, he slumps further against the car, considering that—</p>
<p>Is she right?  Has he been misreading everything the whole time?</p>
<p>He doesn’t get long to think about it—a few minutes later, SWAT gets the signal and Buck barely breathes until he sees Maddie come out of the building. </p>
<p>But then, he doesn’t go to her.  Instead, he watches from a distance as she falls into Chim’s arms, aching to be held himself, to be back in bed at Eddie’s house, happy and safe and needed.  </p>
<p>“I’m surprised you’re not over there with your sister,”  Sue says, pulling him out of his thoughts.</p>
<p>“She already has everything she needs,”  Buck replies absently.  In his pocket, his fingers curl around his phone.  “Excuse me.”</p>
<p>Eddie answers almost immediately.  </p>
<p>“Buck?  I just turned on the news—did you see what happened at dispatch?  Is Maddie okay? Are you—”</p>
<p>“She’s fine,”  Buck says.  “I’m fine.  I mean, it’s been a pretty bad morning, but definitely worse for her so I can’t complain that much.”</p>
<p>“What do you need?”  Eddie asks.  </p>
<p>“You.  Just you.”  It slips out before Buck can stop it, but for once he’s not ashamed of it.  Maybe asking for what he wants isn’t such a bad thing.</p>
<p>“Okay.  I can come get you—are you over there?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,”  Buck replies.  “My car is...somewhere.  Probably has a ticket by now, but I can deal with that later.”</p>
<p>“Give me fifteen minutes, I’ll be right there.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Eddie—”</p>
<p>The words stick in his throat.  <em>Slow</em>, he thinks.  <em>Slow</em>.  But then, he looks over at Chim and Maddie again, still wrapped up in each other, and takes it back.  <em>Fuck slow.</em></p>
<p>“Yeah?  What is it, Buck?”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
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